When we think about showing up and being visible in our business, all sorts of fears and unhelpful thoughts can pop into our awareness.

It was a real pleasure to interview the lovely Helen Evans recently, to get her unique view on how changing our perspective can make it safer for us to be visible.

Helen described how it’s useful to imagine looking at our lives through the ‘metaphor’ of a diamond with many facets.

Click below to watch the video: But wait, there’s more!

If you’re anything like me, you hate small-talk with a vengeance.  When it comes to meeting new people, you wish you didn’t feel so awkward, and could manage a few coherent sentences without wanting the ground to swallow you up.

Small-talk seems to come easy to some people – talking about the weather, or their journey to the venue or any number of other ‘trivial’ snippets seem to just trip off the tongue with no effort.

And then there’s us introverts, for whom small-talk is like wading through treacle.

Picture the scene ….

You’ve made it to the networking event – you walk in, grab your badge, and make it over to the coffee table hoping that nobody noticed you looking nervous.

You pour your drink as slowly as possible to kill time (even an extra 30 seconds of calm is better than nothing, right?!).

You slowly turn to face the rest of the room, palms sweating, throat dry as you’re thinking “Now what?”

Does this resonate with you? But wait, there’s more!

It was a beautiful sunny day in April 2013, when I got the shocking news that I have a form of face blindness (Prosopagnosia, to give it it’s official term).

I’d known for some time that I found it really uncomfortable to look at people’s faces, and I’d found connecting with others in a group quite challenging and visually tiring. I can recognise people but I can only see a small portion of their face at one time – so I have to scan rapidly to take the whole face in (which is why it’s so tiring). That’s only a problem in group situations if lots of people are talking at once.

It was a huge shock for me, and for several months afterwards I went into a downward spin – feeling depressed and worthless and ‘abnormal’.

I felt severely lacking …

I asked myself

“How can I possibly build a business if I can’t even do that properly?”

But wait, there’s more!

There are many misconceptions about what it means to be an introvert, including that we don’t like socialising, we’re quiet because we don’t have anything interesting to say, and we’re generally boring to be around.

In this article I aim to debunk some of these myths and give an introvert’s answer to the question:

“What is an introvert?”

The terms ‘Introvert’ and ‘Extrovert’ were coined originally by Carl Jung in 1921. Jung said introverts are drawn to the inner world of thoughts and feelings, and recharge their batteries by being alone. Extroverts recharge by being with people.

It’s taken me a long time to be able to stand up and proudly call myself an introvert. For most of my adult life I’ve felt ashamed and in denial about being labelled an introvert – as if it was somehow a dirty word.

I know that I find some things very challenging that other people find easy, such as …

• thinking on their feet/answering questions ‘off the top of their head’,
• being witty and engaging with a group of complete strangers, or
• being able to thrive with lots of daytime socialising (not to mention thoroughly enjoying and being really effective at networking events).

All of these things I’ve labelled in my head as lacking and somehow not quite ‘measuring up’ to the ideal.

Is that you too?

But wait, there’s more!

It was a warm, sunny June morning,

when Sue Williams, asked me if I would come and speak at her Your Signature Success conference in September 2016.

My first thought was “Hell yes, I’d love to”

My next thoughts were of logistics – How can I organize dogcare, childcare, and travel down to the Midlands (I live near Stirling in central Scotland).

I was feeling great, I’m passionate about speaking on the topic of Overcoming the Fear of Visibility (that’s my life’s work!)  I know it’s a powerful topic and I’m comfortable and confident speaking about it (once I get into my flow!)

Then I read the event page and about all the expert speakers (some of whom I recognize as ‘famous’ people), and my stomach lurched in fear and dread.

A voice in me piped up

“Who are you to be speaking alongside all of these?”

“They’ve had years of experience, and you’re just starting out …. “

“You’re not worthy…. “ etc,etc.

Later on that day, my fear crossed the tracks into excitement when I read that a VIP ticket includes dinner with the speakers …

But wait, there’s more!

Last Sunday I was laid out on a massage couch in complete agony.

I was laid front first, with my face stuffed into one of those ‘cut outs’, surrounded by towels. (quite comfy actually, once you make sure you can breathe ok.)

Why was I in agony, you ask?

My masseur (or should that be masseuse), Rosie Brown, was performing her Swedish massage skill – carefully and expertly over every inch of my back.

Rosie worked on every little knot – gently teasing them out, and going in hard with the toughest ones.

It hurt … like hell.

Now I’m not the kind of person to do things by halves. If I’m going to have a massage, I want it to do me a lot of good (no mincing around the edges – I want pain!)

I’m not a masochist, I don’t do pain just for the sake of it – but THIS kind of pain is different.

It hurts, but I know it’s doing me good.

The next day my back feels much more free and flexible, and my shoulders and neck don’t ache, they feel lighter somehow.

Now subjecting myself to pain, BECAUSE it’s going to do me good reminds me of stepping into greater visibility in business.

If you’ve been avoiding being visible, and hoping that one day you’ll wake up and it will all be easy and comfortable, then I’ve got news for you.

It’s going to hurt a bit, the first few times…. there’s no way round that, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

We all like our comfort zones, but stepping ‘out there’ is one area where you really have to stretch, and be a little uncomfortable for a while, in order to allow people to get to know you and what you do, so you can attract paying clients.

Have you been avoiding networking because you’re scared to be visible?

But wait, there’s more!

Tiny steps make big progress

It’s April 2010 and a single woman walks alone

in an isolated clearing in the forest, enjoying the miles of empty space, the warm fresh air and the view of trees in the distance. She walks a well trodden trail, a familiar route, and suddenly a phrase pops into her head “happy being you” ….

She’s jolted awake from her walking daydream.

Surprise … confusion….

The phrase comes again

“Happy being you …”

Now comes uncertainty, yet with a glimmer of hope and trust.

That woman was me 

I wasn’t sure about my business name or who I was meant to be helping, yet I trusted that the knowledge and understanding would come to me when it’s my time.

It’s definitely true that

Tiny steps make big progress!

Years ago I had a vision, where I was sitting in a group of caring, sensitive women in some sort of leadership role.

The vision kept coming back to me. I didn’t have any clue what that would involve, or how it would come about, but I trusted the Universe that this would happen at some point.

We all know the Universe works in ‘mysterious ways’, and not in any ‘linear’ fashion, right?!

And I believe it takes our own personal action, as well as Divine guidance, for things to actually come into being.

When I first became self employed I was hesitant, and didn’t really know what I was doing. I forced myself to go to business networking events (‘cos that’s what you’re supposed to do right?) but it was torture.

I was scared and overwhelmed and probably sounded like a robot trying to recite my ‘pitch’.

I had several bad experiences with networking events and I decided to avoid them.

Yet what I would have really valued (and desperately needed at that time) was a place where I could go to meet other self employed women and just be honest, and be myself .  

A safe and welcoming space  where I could feel I belonged, and where who I AM, is much more important than what I do.

And the answer to that dreaded “What do you do?” question would have been,

“Well, you know, I’m not really sure who my business is targeting, but I’m going to slowly learn and work it out as I go along.”

I didn’t have the right environment, or the confidence to say that back then.

Well, things are very different now.

Fast forward to  January 2015, and I’m creating the kind of supportive networking experience that I really value!

I’m so excited to be launching my first ever live group event!

(Yes, that means in person, a sit-down-next-to-me-and-have-a-cup-of-tea type event for self-employed women).

I’ve had this in the back of my mind for a long time… and little by little it’s started to happen.

You might be asking..

How did she do that?

But wait, there’s more!

Do you ever get the niggling feeling that you’re getting in your own way?

Are you holding back, not showing up in your business in the way that you’d really like. (and knowing that your ‘best self’ is in hiding) ?

I’ve had a dawning realisation recently, and it’s sparked some powerful questions for me.

I believe that we become conscious in layers, like peeling an onion, and each layer brings us closer to our ‘Truth’.

In this blog and video I share with you my answers to three simple, yet powerful, questions.

Ponder these 3 questions, and awaken your best business self!

But wait, there’s more!

Trust that you are safe…and have fun!

There she was at the top of the waterslide, clinging on for dear life.

Frozen in fear and determined not to let go.

She could see other children laughing and playing around her, but her mind was fixed on the terrifying descent before her …. unable to focus on anything else.

She daren’t climb back off and she daren’t slide down – she was stuck.

We were in a water park, on holiday, and this was my 4 year-old daughter, sitting at the top of what I thought was a very short slide.

I tried to coax her down saying

“You’ll be fine honey, you’ll love it”

But of course she didn’t believe me.

It took me about half an hour talking to her and reassuring her before she would finally let go and slide down.

I’ll never forget her face as she made that descent – first terror then an enormous grin spread across her face, as she slid down with a loud ‘Wheeeeee’ sound.

She finally trusted my word that she would be safe and she allowed herself to experience something new.

After all that, it was nothing to be terrified about, it was actually great fun!!

Does this sound like you when you’re putting out a new offer?

You know it will help the right people, but you feel scared and vulnerable launching it out there.

You’ve written the sales page, but you keep tweaking the wording, spending ages trying to find the right image, and telling yourself you’ll put it on your website when it’s ‘ready’.

But ready never comes.

The truth is, when you’re sitting at the top of that metaphorical waterslide, it can be terrifying to create something new and send it out into the world. You’re also launching yourself out there – and you will be judged … and possibly criticised. Not everyone’s going to love it …

And that’s okay.

Yet when you trust that you are safe, you can allow yourself to let go and launch this offer knowing it will provide a valuable service, and all will be well.

How do you let go and trust that you are safe?

But wait, there’s more!

Just Do It!

This is a complete change from my usual style of blog – I decided to record a VLOG instead!

The wild, wise crone in me came out yesterday morning, and inspired me to show up and just be real – because that’s the most powerful thing you can do (I believe) – and it’s the thing that I want to enable my clients to do.

I had an epiphany recently, and I figured I can’t ‘hide’ behind my words alone – spouting at you from behind my safe, anonymous computer screen encouraging you to ‘be your real self’, if I don’t lead from the front!

I had the wild, crazy idea to do a video blog, without preparation, without a new outfit or hairdo or makeup – to just show up and be real.

You’ve got to do that thing that scares the life out of you, because it might just breathe life INTO you!

I did just that, and I can confirm that it definitely did!

I feel bizarrely free and exhilarated!

The video here is the result: (I’ll record in landscape mode for next time!)

Over To You:

I would love to know what’s the biggest thing that scares you? And how are you inspired to take action to overcome that ? Please leave me a comment and let me know!

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